My Hijab Story.

'Blessed or Oppressed'
' the prophet muhammad, peace be upon him, said: Haya will not bring anything except good.' (Sahih Bukhari)

As you can see, in the above picture that I actually had an eyebrow piercing. I went through a phase where I felt that the eyebrow piercing defined who I was. It was something I done and I felt that being a Pakistani girl and having an eyebrow piercing it more or less represented that no one can tell me what to do. It didn’t mean I was rebellious -I had asked my dad if I could get it hoping he said no so the fact I had at least asked would satisfy me- but my dad said yes and I was a bit confused and thought okay, I’ll get it. And from then on there was no turning back, and once I said I was going to do it I decided I was going to stick by it which I kind of wish was the case with me and a few other things in my life.

So for many years I was known as the Pakistani girl with an eyebrow piercing. Slowly after time it became part of my identity and who I was which to be fair I did like. After a few years around October 2013 my mum passed away; after she passed away I got a bit lost with who I was, what I want and everything that seemed to make sense, didn't anymore. And I went through a lot although I never showed it to anyone I lost my confidence and who I was because at that time I had lost a lot more than just my mum.

So as time went on I decided that I need to get back on track I never let my family feel that there was anything wrong from my side I just got back on board with life and went back to uni, went work and just kept myself busy. And then one day I sat there in my bedroom wondering what life really is, I slowly started to watch Islamic lectures on YouTube and started wondering about Islam and although I am a Muslim I never was on my Deen. I wanted to change that, but I wanted to do it on my own, I wanted this journey to be about self-discovery. So I started understanding a few things in life and one day I was going out with my mates where I decided to wear the hijab, I had decided that I need to take the step one day there’s no point in waiting because if I wait then I’ll delay it and why should I delay such a thing? So I got up, went to my mates clueless about what to do (hijab tutorials didn’t really help me much). So one of my mates who wear’s a hijab herself helped me. I felt very conscious I was worried what others may say bearing in mind I still had my eyebrow piercing on; but I did it and my next hurdle to overcome was wearing it to uni. It was easier than I thought it would be, I got through the day without the funny looks I thought I was going to get!

After getting into the gist of wearing it to uni, I had second thoughts about wearing it to work so I took it of when I went to work and from there I decided what i am doing is completely wrong. I was very confused so I decided actually my next big step is wearing the hijab to work. The next day I woke up, got ready for work and wore my hijab. I work with people who more or less have no clue about Islam so they did question me about wearing it but I still felt quite detached from it, my hair was always my identity.

Waking up everyday realizing I can't show my hair was difficult especially because it was my choice and I felt that if I wanted, I could take it of at anytime. I slowly came to love my hijab and the next thing I did was take out my eyebrow piercing! I thought if I had spent all that time contemplating wearing the hijab then I would never have done it! I felt as if I was released from something bigger something different. I then got used to it, I started my internship not long after that at Asiana Wedding magazine; now here I was introduced to the fashion world where although I wasn't the only Muslim I was the only one wearing a hijab that’s how I saw it. Over at Asiana nobody knew my story nobody knew that I've only been wearing the hijab for only a few weeks. Slowly being in the fashion industry seeing all these beautiful models I felt I was back at square one, feeling odd wearing my hijab I wanted to be able to show my hair off again. But I stopped and wondered to my self why am I conforming to what the world wants? I decided to pull through and that was one of my biggest tests I believe. 

Since then I feel wearing the hijab has now become part of me and who I am! I am a Muslim and I am proud. It took me time to realize it but since then I'm trying my best to practice Islam properly. There’s a lot I need to learn and since wearing my hijab I have changed my personality and my relationship with myself has improved definitely and a lot of people in my life see that. This was part of my journey to wearing the hijab, as you can see a lot of confusion and a lot of questioning myself was done. 

On this journey I learnt one thing, once you come closer to Allah things seem to fall in place on it’s own. This journey also slightly helped me with dealing with the loss of my mother and I wouldn't change anything about this journey although I may have been through a lot and experienced a lot I decided it was meant for me and that I experienced it all for a reason. So my question is if you want to do something why wait to do it? Because you will always have second thoughts about doing it and you will always think of 101 reasons to not do something and delay it but my advice to you is do it! Don't think about it just do it.