'Blessed or Oppressed'
' the prophet muhammad, peace be upon him, said: Haya will not bring anything except good.' (Sahih Bukhari)
' the prophet muhammad, peace be upon him, said: Haya will not bring anything except good.' (Sahih Bukhari)
As you can see, in the above picture that I actually had an eyebrow
piercing. I went through a phase where I felt that the eyebrow piercing defined
who I was. It was something I done and I felt that being a Pakistani girl and
having an eyebrow piercing it more or less represented that no one can tell me
what to do. It didn’t mean I was rebellious -I had asked my dad if I could get
it hoping he said no so the fact I had at least asked would satisfy me- but my
dad said yes and I was a bit confused and thought okay, I’ll get it. And from
then on there was no turning back, and once I said I was going to do it I
decided I was going to stick by it which I kind of wish was the case with me
and a few other things in my life.
So for many years I was known as the Pakistani girl with an eyebrow
piercing. Slowly after time it became part of my identity and who I was which
to be fair I did like. After a few years around October 2013 my mum passed
away; after she passed away I got a bit lost with who I was, what I want and
everything that seemed to make sense, didn't anymore. And I went through a lot
although I never showed it to anyone I lost my confidence and who I was because
at that time I had lost a lot more than just my mum.
So as time went on I decided that I need to get back on track I never
let my family feel that there was anything wrong from my side I just got back
on board with life and went back to uni, went work and just kept myself busy.
And then one day I sat there in my bedroom wondering what life really is, I
slowly started to watch Islamic lectures on YouTube and started wondering about
Islam and although I am a Muslim I never was on my Deen. I wanted to change
that, but I wanted to do it on my own, I wanted this journey to be about
self-discovery. So I started understanding a few things in life and one day I
was going out with my mates where I decided to wear the hijab, I had decided
that I need to take the step one day there’s no point in waiting because if I
wait then I’ll delay it and why should I delay such a thing? So I got up, went
to my mates clueless about what to do (hijab tutorials didn’t really help me
much). So one of my mates who wear’s a hijab herself helped me. I felt very
conscious I was worried what others may say bearing in mind I still had my
eyebrow piercing on; but I did it and my next hurdle to overcome was wearing it
to uni. It was easier than I thought it would be, I got through the day without
the funny looks I thought I was going to get!
After getting into the gist of wearing it to uni, I had second thoughts
about wearing it to work so I took it of when I went to work and from there I
decided what i am doing is completely wrong. I was very confused so I decided
actually my next big step is wearing the hijab to work. The next day I woke up,
got ready for work and wore my hijab. I work with people who more or less have
no clue about Islam so they did question me about wearing it but I still felt
quite detached from it, my hair was always my identity.
Waking up everyday realizing I can't show my hair was difficult
especially because it was my choice and I felt that if I wanted, I could take
it of at anytime. I slowly came to love my hijab and the next thing I did was
take out my eyebrow piercing! I thought if I had spent all that time contemplating
wearing the hijab then I would never have done it! I felt as if I was released
from something bigger something different. I then got used to it, I started my
internship not long after that at Asiana Wedding magazine; now here I was
introduced to the fashion world where although I wasn't the only Muslim I was
the only one wearing a hijab that’s how I saw it. Over at Asiana nobody knew my
story nobody knew that I've only been wearing the hijab for only a few weeks. Slowly
being in the fashion industry seeing all these beautiful models I felt I was
back at square one, feeling odd wearing my hijab I wanted to be able to show my
hair off again. But I stopped and wondered to my self why am I conforming to
what the world wants? I decided to pull through and that was one of my biggest
tests I believe.
Since then I feel wearing the hijab has now become part of me and who I
am! I am a Muslim and I am proud. It took me time to realize it but since then I'm
trying my best to practice Islam properly. There’s a lot I need to learn and
since wearing my hijab I have changed my personality and my relationship with myself
has improved definitely and a lot of people in my life see that. This was part
of my journey to wearing the hijab, as you can see a lot of confusion and a lot
of questioning myself was done.
On this journey I learnt one thing, once you come closer to Allah things
seem to fall in place on it’s own. This journey also slightly helped me with
dealing with the loss of my mother and I wouldn't change anything about this
journey although I may have been through a lot and experienced a lot I decided
it was meant for me and that I experienced it all for a reason. So my question
is if you want to do something why wait to do it? Because you will always have
second thoughts about doing it and you will always think of 101 reasons to not
do something and delay it but my advice to you is do it! Don't think about it
just do it.